I went into this morning’s yoga class with cranky joints, sore back, and an overall feeling of weakness. My body is laced with multiple injuries, so I am balancing self-care (going easy on myself) with stress care (exercising to keep sane). I was overwhelmed by all the overflowing areas in my life and wasn’t confident I could get through a 90-minute hot and intense class. Instead of teaching class, Jess, who is an inspiring teacher, practiced, while Sheryl, another powerhouse teacher, taught.
I thought about all I have to accomplish today, tomorrow, and the next week at least being in the room. It’s all good stuff, but sprinkled with personal stress. In Sheryl’s meditation, she invited us to leave everything at the door and be completely present in the class. Let my breath keep me here and not out there where life was threatening to pull me under.
I talked myself into agreeing that everything will still be there for me to pick up if I wanted, but for now I would be in each pose and focus on me.
I don’t even know when it happened, but some time during the asanas, I felt strong. I didn’t ache. There was this sense of internal strength with the breath and external strength with the movements. By eliminating everything else except my practice, my power returned. I remembered I am strong, determined, and capable. Without all the self-limiting mumbo jumbo I sometimes carry around, I knew I could do anything.
My dreams last night were filled with self-sabotage. People who don’t belong in my space preventing me from writing my book. Getting involved in situations that have nothing to do with me interrupting my ability to help others. Roadblocks and negativity throwing me off my path, so that I woke up with these feelings of weakness and worthlessness.
I dropped all the crap and set boundaries so those thoughts didn’t step onto my mat. Just for 90 minutes. That’s all I asked for. By removing those layers of self-doubt, I reconnected with my purpose. It blossomed. The clarity, the emotion, the connection to my higher self flourished. I took a deep breath and said, “Thank goodness.” I am here again.
Today, I don’t see all that I haven’t done or the mistakes, failures, or negative comments.
I see the impact I have on others by believing in myself, knowing I am strong, and following my purpose. In this moment, I know in the end it’s all in me, but sometimes I need the space and and my yoga community to realize it.